Recently talked with someone my age who bought a condo a year younger than I and started chatting about my little housing crisis history. While I have no problem talking about the situation (because I have nothing to be ashamed of) it got me thinking. For about three years I felt like one of the most put together people I knew. I could tell people "I bought a house" and they were slightly impressed. I looked responsible, settled, like I had this successful life...and then the unthinkable happened.
I once described it as if someone doused my life with lighter fluid and then lit a match...because thats exactly how it felt. Everything that was definably me was no longer. I no longer felt successful, put together or even stable. For a solid year, things sucked...then I moved. This move has been not only necessary for the season I was in, but was also an answer to my hearts desires. I know this is where I am supposed to be right now, yet it has yet to feel easy. I often wonder, when will it all really get better?
This adventure started out rough and has even rougher times along the way, but I feel Im finally starting to settle in. The end of the program is near and more uncertainty lies ahead. I still feel lonely at times. Have yet to find people that truly bring out ME and it often leaves me wanting to jump on a plane (ya know, because I can).
Im not ready to head back, I needed and wanted this. Just wish I knew whats next or when things would feel stable again. Hurry up, life.
I know what you mean by stability. It's one of the things I realized being on my own. When I was married I felt like I had security (false sense) but still. And before that my parents always took care of me .
ReplyDeleteBut now, on my own... its so difficult to feel at ease. I live paycheck to paycheck and I'm slowly growing my business. What really helped me kinda relax and realize that everything will happen in time is living here. They're so (as you know) laid back about work and not such in a rush to gain success like americans. It has its bad points too but I think coming form the mentality that .. you have to go to school, find your career, get married, buy the house, have the kids, send them to college, retire. ....
its like ... were always on our way to something else instead of just enjoying what here, right in front of us.
I own hardly anything worth more than a few thousand dollars. no home no assets .. nada. but I have never been more happy. I get lonely sometimes because there are not many people OUR age who feel this way. I feel like I cant keep up with most american sensibilities.
anyway, ill stop ranting .. just wanted to let you know I know a little bit how you feel and we're all in this together.
life doesnt need to hurry up, Nycala needs to chill out! =D life is here!
take it all a day at a time.
<3 you!
xx